Don't Box Me In -- Kids and Animals Do the Darndest Things

I hate when I come up with an idea for a blog, and then I get completely thrown for a loop by something else.

I saw a few animal stories in the paper that were just perfect to combine into one neat, simple little blog.

Then, along comes the crazy mother in Alabama who was charged with endangering the welfare of a child.

Now, what do you think she let her 13-year-old do?

Was it drink a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon? Maybe it was have sex with her teacher, to help improve her grade.

Nope. Something you wouldn't guess if I gave you 100 guesses.

She let the girl ride in a cardboard box on top of their van.

Now, I immediately thought about how as a kid, I would think nothing could be more fun. I remember seeing people towing trailers with jet skis behind them, and wondering what it would be like to sit on those as the vehicle was driving 65 down the I-5. But in a box? Isn't there a cartoon character that imagines that?

Well, the 37-year-old, mom-of-the-year, didn't do it for fun. She said the box was too big to fit in the van, and the daughter was inside to hold it down.

And how was the box secured on the van? With clothes hangers, of course.

The only thing that would've made the story better would've been had they not cleared a bridge.

But to the animal stories, which deal with equally stupid people.

A woman in her mid-70s was hospitalized after being attacked by raccoons. I immediately thought the lady must've just given a bad description of the burglars that attacked her. I mean, don't they usually wear masks that make them look like raccoons?

She tried to shoo them away from her Florida home. And the raccoons were having none of it. They bum-rushed her, and she spent a few days in the hospital.

I'm guessing when she got home, they were in her kitchen eating porridge.

But there's a woman in Pennsylvania who only made it to 37, which is actually surprising, considering how stupid she was.

She had a pet that attacked her.

Wanna play the guessing game again?

Was it a cat? A boa constrictor? Nope. Everyones favorite pet: a black bear.

She had "Teddy" for nine years, raising it from a cub. She also cared for a mountain lion and tiger.

Unlike most Teddy Bears, that get to sleep on one of the 10 pillows in a womans bed, this one had a 15 x 15 foot steel and concrete cage.

She would shovel dog food to one side, distracting the bear while she cleaned the other side of the cage.

The 350-pound bear attacked her, as her two young children watched her die.

The bear was on top of the woman when people showed up with guns.

Authorities are saying she had a permit (that expired a year ago) to keep exotic animals, but that usually means you have a two-section cage, which isolates the animal behind one section when you're cleaning the other part.

And we all thought Michael Jackson was crazy for having a pet chimp.


I will never feel sorry for stupid people.

I agree, Pete. But sometimes on these blogs, people think I'm mean. They might say something like "Why would you want a 13-year-old in a box, to get hit by a bridge? She would die."

Well, I'm guessing the 13-year-old is an idiot, as she has an idiotic mother, and the genes are usually passed down.

Also, people forgot that it's easy (for me) to call someone in Alabama an idiot, because I don't know her and she's doing something idiotic. But if it was my neighbor, I wouldn't feel the need to go to her door and call her out on her stupidity.

(on that note...I heard Tia Tequila tried to kill herself. she mentioned it on some tweet or something. now she says she will in two weeks. would anyone think I was a jerk if I said "Please, do it, Tia!")

No, but don't say it. As for that lady with the cardboard box, that absolutely takes the gold medal in the Stupidity Olympics. I hate to say it, but I feel the same way every time I hear about someone dying in a car crash and the reporter says, "The victim was not wearing a seat belt." For f***'s sake, how much brains does it take to know that that can save your life?

I hate wearing seatbelts. Something about mandatory seatbelts because the insurance companies bitch,whine and moan about pisses me off to no end. And then there's those pesky stories of people who were killed because of their seatbelts. Let's not get any facts in the way of a good story. ;-D

I will never feel sorry for stupid people.

By PistolPete

No one deserves to die for being stoopid.

I never said they deserved to die for being stoopid. If they do die however,I'm not going to shed a tear. Human beings have natural selection for a reason. Stupid people tend to think they can outsmart the genepool. They can't. Mother Nature has a built in alarm system. I's called death.

I never said they deserved to die for being stoopid.

By PistolPete

It sounded that way from the comment. I think these people did some very stoopid things, no doubt-but we all do stooopid things at times.

it is sad when someone loses their life under such circumstances. Like feeding the bear.

How is that sad? She had the brain to think to herself"This MAY not be such a good idea" and proceeded to do it anyway. That's not sad. That's a bear being a bear. Sad is stubbing your toe in the middle of the night.

the cardboard box thing...she was if she' had turned it into a cart with wheels and pulled it behind her car with a rope she may have gotten only a trailer hitch ticket

hey..i'm a first timer kind Josh

Nan...for your first time out, that was hitting it out of the friggin' park. Awesome!

Yeah, technically, if something had happened to the 13-year-old, I would've felt bad. Kids don't really know better, although, I'd like to think a 13-year-old knows enough to say "Nope. I ain't getting on the roof with the box, sorry."

For example, in San Antonio yesterday, a 13-year-old was asked to drive the car for his mom and her boyfriend, because they were drunk. And one of the adults had a previous DUI and didn't want another one.

The cop pulled up as they were at the side of the road. Now...why were they on the side of the road? The kid was freaking out driving, and finally pulled over saying he couldn't anymore.

It's why I have a hard time (similar to the seat belt deaths), having sympathy for people that die while racing their vehicles on streets designed for driving, not racing. It's a danger to everyone, and their death, means one less crazy person we have to deal with on the roads.

thx Josh and seriously on that drunk driving thingie once when i was working a PM shift at Kaiser Permanente i called my Bobby to pick me up and he said he would but wasn't really awake

i called back 20 minutes later and his 11 year old son answered and said he couldn't wake his dad up...10 minute after that he and his 10 year old friend drove up

he was steering and his friend was doing the gas and brake..what in H E double LL could i do

i knew they were careful...on residential streets...and so proud of themselves their smiles just spilt their faces in two

aaaaaaaaahhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeemmmmmmmmm.....i told my HB off to no end...the next morning...congratulated the boys on the deftness of their driving skills...made them promise that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES would they EVER do it again and instantly became the best stepmother on the block

was i wrong not to ream them out... perhaps...but what r ya gonna do???

that and new off road cycles to drive safely out in the desert on cemented my proper place in their lives

Well, kids that age are a little young to be reamed out. It's kind of like these adults the past month who have gotten into trouble for spanking 2-year-old babies. I have no problem with spanking, but not at that age.

My mom tells this story about my real dad, who when he was alive, was a real dope. I was 1 and my older brother was 3. He was supposed to be watching us, and she had gone to the store. She then pulled into a gas station, and there's my dad putting gas into his motorcycle. She screamed, "Who is watching the babies, you idiot!??" He shrugged his shoulders sheepishly, saying that we were both sleeping and would be fine.

She immediately came home, and didn't do the shopping she wanted to do.

Oh noo! This is the funniest blog I've read of yours to date, Josh! The subsequent comments are equally humorous.

Hah! I get it! Well, I mean, I don't "get it" get it , about the spanking comment.

I hope the legislation goes through to make it illegal for anyone to privately own exotic animals. To me, it's just cruel to keep lions, tigers and bears [snort] confined in small cages in people's homes and backyards.

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