The limited stylings of Clutch Cargo

If you don't know a Clutch Cargo from a manual transmission, please watch a minute or two of the following to bring you up to speed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAo8-YmVlN8">Clutch Cargo - Big "X" by https://www.youtube.com/user/totalrandomcrap">totalrandomcrap

Atrocious, isn't it? This isn't limited animation, it's dead! Compared to Gumby, Clutch and company look pokey.

Bugs and Clutch, the first cartoon hosts to infect me with terminal anthropomorphosis. Nowadays, when animated characters stand frozen in mid-frame, only their lips moving, they call it anime and festivals wheel out the awards cart. Funny how quality used to have a way of standing out from the pack. Back then, every 3-year-old knew to expect more movement from a broken clothes dryer than a Clutch Cargo cartoon.

Bugs made me laugh, but no so Clutch. At least not initially. Before I was able to grasp the awe inspiring awfulness of producer Clark Haas's movement-atrophying Synchro-Vox technique, the lantern-jawed giant, who shared the same taste in lipstick as my Aunt Fay, scared the bejesus out of me. Where did I come off identifying with a rugged, Aryan adventurer/tranny who spoke in disembodied tones and enjoyed the company of an underage boy and his wiener dog?

Clark Haas, as in Clark Haas no budget, had to work fast and cheap in order to survive on television. Borrowing his cameraman Edwin Gillette's concept of superimposing human lips over motionless cels, Haas came up with Synchro-Vox. Each cliff-hanging episode was broken into five four-minute installments to run daily on locally produced children's programs.

I have often wondered what became of Clutch in the years since the show left the air. Cargo's agent tried to arrange a cameo in Who Framed Roger Rabbit, but Zemeckis' agent wouldn't return his calls. There was talk of a big screen 3D reboot with Lisa Rinna acting as Clutch's mouthpiece, but there isn't a lens wide enough to make that happen.

What follows are my findings and a few Photoshopped items from the archives.

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/jul/24/49997/">https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/uca_t500x205.jpg?c3c0303247360f0e2c97795c34b3c6f6c1b09a7a" alt=""Un Clutch Andalou": a young Cargo auditioned for the role that eventually went to Pierre Batcheff.">

https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/uca_t500x205.jpg?c3c0303247360f0e2c97795c34b3c6f6c1b09a7a">"Un Clutch Andalou": a young Cargo auditioned for the role that eventually went to Pierre Batcheff. by Scott Marks

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/jul/24/49998/">https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/clutch_rinna_t500x383.jpg?23ba60721a8a761904ef403da3e650754155f06f" alt="Collagen-lipped cutie Lisa Rinna produced an audition reel for a proposed reboot, but studios weren't buying.">

https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/clutch_rinna_t500x383.jpg?23ba60721a8a761904ef403da3e650754155f06f">Collagen-lipped cutie Lisa Rinna produced an audition reel for a proposed reboot, but studios weren't buying. by Scott Marks

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/jul/24/49991/">https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/BEETLEJUICE_CARGO_t500x383.jpg?23ba60721a8a761904ef403da3e650754155f06f" alt="Beetlejuice Cargo says, "Me? Heh-heh. I got a paddle-tongue, pal. I Synchro-Vox a hundred times twice."">

https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/BEETLEJUICE_CARGO_t500x383.jpg?23ba60721a8a761904ef403da3e650754155f06f">Beetlejuice Cargo says, "Me? Heh-heh. I got a paddle-tongue, pal. I Synchro-Vox a hundred times twice." by Scott Marks

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/jul/24/50000/">https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/kupp_t500x383.jpg?23ba60721a8a761904ef403da3e650754155f06f" alt=""Kuppling Cargo" made a big hit with German audiences.">

https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/kupp_t500x383.jpg?23ba60721a8a761904ef403da3e650754155f06f">"Kuppling Cargo" made a big hit with German audiences. by Scott Marks

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/jul/24/49992/">https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/WAX_LIPS_CARGO_t500x383.jpg?23ba60721a8a761904ef403da3e650754155f06f" alt="This rare outtake shows zany prankster Clutch pulling the old wax lips gag on Clark Haas and the crew.">

https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/WAX_LIPS_CARGO_t500x383.jpg?23ba60721a8a761904ef403da3e650754155f06f">This rare outtake shows zany prankster Clutch pulling the old wax lips gag on Clark Haas and the crew. by Scott Marks

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/jul/24/50002/">https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/bondage_clutch_t500x382.jpg?d357718f6cb4036984b0a90883fba25585a4eba2" alt="Desperate and broke, Clutch turned to a career in bondage porn, but was eventually sidelined due to a severe case of erectile dysfunction.">

https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/bondage_clutch_t500x382.jpg?d357718f6cb4036984b0a90883fba25585a4eba2">Desperate and broke, Clutch turned to a career in bondage porn, but was eventually sidelined due to a severe case of erectile dysfunction. by Scott Marks

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/jul/24/50012/">https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/CLUTCH_CARGO_STICKER_t500x502.jpg?040e8dcad107c4325dd154c512482daad2886c60" alt="Adhesive-backed sticker.">

https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/CLUTCH_CARGO_STICKER_t500x502.jpg?040e8dcad107c4325dd154c512482daad2886c60">Adhesive-backed sticker. by Scott Marks

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/jul/24/50014/">https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/CLUTCH_CARGO_001_t500x354.jpg?7f47039bcb81afd444e73632f36ba6b49ce83405" alt="Clutch Cargo postcard.">

https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/CLUTCH_CARGO_001_t500x354.jpg?7f47039bcb81afd444e73632f36ba6b49ce83405">Clutch Cargo postcard. by Scott Marks

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/jul/24/50015/">https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/SPINNER_AND_PADDLEFOOT_001_t500x354.jpg?7f47039bcb81afd444e73632f36ba6b49ce83405" alt="A 19-year-old Spinner was shot and killed during a card game. Paddlefoot died under mysterious circumstances while visiting Rudd Weatherwax.">

https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/SPINNER_AND_PADDLEFOOT_001_t500x354.jpg?7f47039bcb81afd444e73632f36ba6b49ce83405">A 19-year-old Spinner was shot and killed during a card game. Paddlefoot died under mysterious circumstances while visiting Rudd Weatherwax. by Scott Marks

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/jul/24/50016/">https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/CLUTCH_CARGO_ADVENTURE_CLUB_CERTIFICATE_t500x331.jpg?09ce763809c5a52045a0102865339206ad69675d" alt="None">

by Scott Marks

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/jul/24/50018/">https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/CLUTCH_CARGO_BOBBLEHEADS_001_t500x320.jpg?7dae060de8bfb14ce6fca0467f5306f26605ee65" alt="Prototypical bobble-heads. From a postcard dated 1959.">

https://media.sandiegoreader.com/img/photos/2013/07/24/CLUTCH_CARGO_BOBBLEHEADS_001_t500x320.jpg?7dae060de8bfb14ce6fca0467f5306f26605ee65">Prototypical bobble-heads. From a postcard dated 1959. by Scott Marks

Comments

The Adolf mustache made me do a Danny Thomas spittake... damn, that's funny!

Another postcard with Clutch Cargo promotional material:

http://bedazzled.blogs.com/bedazzled/2008/10/clutch-cargo-pr.html

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