Padres Report: Andrew Cashner's Bionic Arm Has http://www.gaslampball.com/2012/3/4/2845562/andrew-cashner-averages-a-102-2-mph-fastball">Promising First Outing Against Mariners
"http://www.nctimes.com/sports/baseball/professional/mlb/padres/padres-cashner-looks-forward-not-back/article_ca29280b-ab6d-5027-9677-6193491327c1.html">Recovery From Last Season's Rotator Cuff Injury" Revealed to Be "Acclimation to Turbo-Charged Biotech Pitching Cannon"
Pitching Coach Darin Ballsy: "If the organic parts of him hold up, we see no reason why he can't pitch all game, every game. Gonna be a fun year."
Ten pitches. All of 'em over 100 mph. Boo-ya.