Trump’s proposal for a revamped Lincoln Memorial. “First, we close off the big open entrance; people will pay to see Honest Abe, just like they pay to light up the Caravaggios in those Roman churches. Then, we replace those boring old pillars with some red, white, and blue — this is America, dammit! And get an eagle up there on top! Finally, we put a big statue of P.T. Barnum out front: the greatest American of all time, the man who understood that we love a good show more than anything, and that there’s a sucker born every minute.”

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