St. Paul’s Above It All

Church property to host tower that will tower over Balboa Park

There’s even Biblical precedent in Genesis: “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may garner office space for ourselves.”
  • There’s even Biblical precedent in Genesis: “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may garner office space for ourselves.”

“It’s true that Greystar’s proposed project is 50 feet taller than anything else along the edge of the Park,” said St. Paul’s Dean, the Most Extremely Very Reverend and Remunerated Cash Munny, “and that its shadow will cover the earth in the afternoons like the midday darkness that descended when Christ died on the cross. But there will be, in the bowels - that is, the lower parts of the building - 18 low-income apartments! A full two more than the 16 we’re demolishing to make way for the tower! And we’ll be able to host LGBTQ events in the courtyard, which will help atone for our namesake’s hateful line in Corinthians about how ‘neither the sexually immoral nor idolators nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men, etc. will inherit the kingdom of God.’ Anyway, we answer to a higher authority than some planning commission, so we’re going ahead with it.”

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Comments

Most accurate depiction written of what actually happened. Kudos, well done.

Also a pretty good description of the building, except the roof top pool and party space was left out. I can imagine several ways to describe those important features in the context of the article. And I realize the reason this article is called "almost factual news" is that the building is actually 75 feet higher than other buildings along the park, not 50 feet.

No, it is NOT called "almost factual news" for that reason. The satirical column has been labeled that for years.

Sigh. Dowdy Dimbiddy once more unto the breach for his own relevance. It also wasn't the appointed-developers planning commission that was against this, but the elected members of the local community planning group. I believe Geranium would be willing to admit mistyping "article" for "column," but you admit no excuse or apology for all your straw-manned posts.

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