Twenty cartoons that need to be banned!

Warning: Do not read if you are allergic to blueberries

Al Franken's got nothing on Bugs!
  • Al Franken's got nothing on Bugs!

Alcoholism! Child abuse! Anal fetishism! Smoking! Bestiality! Suicide! Opioid abuse! Transgender latrines! White Supwemacy! The cartoons we grew up on were a celebration of evil, a microcosmic cesspool of all of America's ills distilled to seven-minute doses and populated by adorable woodland creatures aimed at hooking impressionable minds.

That is why I am delighted to report that moviegoers — well, make that one moviegoer in England is standing up to a heinous creation — a cartoon that actually goes so far as to endorse allergy bullying. The film to which I refer is, of course, the vile and loathsome Peter Rabbit.

Four stars! What was I thinking? Only a monster would go so far as to endorse a family picture in which a character's anaphylaxis to blueberries is mocked! What kind of message do they think this sends to the film's target audience? It's enough to make one want to shove a gun down a duck's throat and blow its beak into the New Year...or at least the other side of its head.

How insensitive must these filmmakers be? Who does their research? Don't they know that according to the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma, and Immunology there's been "only one reported case of allergy to blueberries." Yet the creatures at Sony Pictures Animation have the audacity to single this person out as a source of mockery. Sad.

If Mr. Spielberg can digitally remove the guns from E.T.: The Extra Testicle, surely the people at Sony Pictures Animation can excise these highly offensive scenes and replace them with clips of Barney the Dinosaur or footage of real-life bunnies rolling in clover, or whatever it is real-life bunnies do.

To that little British waif whose life was forever marred by Peter Rabbit, buck up. This Friday sees the arrival of Early Man, a cartoon that not only extols the evils of fluoridation, there's nothing even remotely discourteous (or entertaining) about it!

As a public service, I submit the following list of offenses gathered from 20 cartoons, the negatives of which should at best be cut into guitar pics or at worst be rated NC-17.

Alcohol abuse in Wags To Riches (1949).

Alcohol abuse in Wags To Riches (1949).

Smoking in Plane Daffy (1944).

Smoking in Plane Daffy (1944).

The Anal Fetishism of Walter Elias Disney Part 1: Elmer the Elephant (1936).

The Anal Fetishism of Walter Elias Disney Part 1: Elmer the Elephant (1936).

Spousal abuse in Porky's Romance (1937).

Spousal abuse in Porky's Romance (1937).

Bestiality in The Frigid Hare (1949).

Bestiality in The Frigid Hare (1949).

Catricide in An Itch In Time (1943).

Catricide in An Itch In Time (1943).

The Anal Fetishism of Walter Elias Disney Part 2: Dumbo (1941).

The Anal Fetishism of Walter Elias Disney Part 2: Dumbo (1941).

Auto-erotic asphyxiation in Crowing Pains (1947).

Auto-erotic asphyxiation in Crowing Pains (1947).

Child abuse in She Was An Acrobat's Daughter (1937).

Child abuse in She Was An Acrobat's Daughter (1937).

Opioid addiction in The Big Snooze (1946).

Opioid addiction in The Big Snooze (1946).

Donald stars in The Huffing Duck (1943).

Donald stars in The Huffing Duck (1943).

The Anal Fetishism of Walter Elias Disney Part 3: Education for Death (1942).

The Anal Fetishism of Walter Elias Disney Part 3: Education for Death (1942).

Transvestism in A Corny Concerto (1943).

Transvestism in A Corny Concerto (1943).

The Anal Fetishism of Walter Elias Disney Part 4: Der Fuehrer's Face (1942).

The Anal Fetishism of Walter Elias Disney Part 4: Der Fuehrer's Face (1942).

Random acts of violence in Gruesome Twosome (1945).

Random acts of violence in Gruesome Twosome (1945).

Herman Goering and Bugs Bunny in White Supwemacist Wabbit (1944).

Herman Goering and Bugs Bunny in White Supwemacist Wabbit (1944).

Artificial lung lampooning in The Daffy Doc (1938).

Artificial lung lampooning in The Daffy Doc (1938).

Nudity in I Haven't Got a Hat (1935).

Nudity in I Haven't Got a Hat (1935).

Suicide in Hare Conditioned (1945).

Suicide in Hare Conditioned (1945).

Transgender bathrooms in Hare Do (1949).

Transgender bathrooms in Hare Do (1949).

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Comments

I always found Foghorn Leghorn to be kinda homophobic, the way he'd look at that little bird who'd rather read a book than play baseball and say "Thar's sumpthin', ahh say, thar's sumpthin' pee-CUE-lee-are about that boy!"

You mean Tweety Bird? He did have big eyelashes, too. Those early cartoon geniuses did have fun with sexual ambiguity, with Bugs often dressed in drag.

no it's not tweety bird, although...

No! No! Not Tweety. Eggbert, Jr., Miss Prissy's son. If I remember correctly, the boy, I SAY the boy never spoke.

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by Scott Marks

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