Dis the DST

If only more people were "over it"

Dear Hipster:

I direct this question to you, because I feel that the world at large ought to be “over it” in regards to Daylight Savings Time and because hipsters are the masters of being over it, whatever “it” is. Anyways, I have a trick question for you. What should I do to recuperate the hour that I give up to Daylight Savings Time?

— Marty

You lose nothing to Daylight Savings Time, because no such thing exists. It is correctly spelled Daylight Saving Time, with the second word in the singular.

Regardless of spelling, I remain uncertain whether the time change retains any utility in the modern era. I’d remind everybody that Daylight Saving Time begins March 8, but I don’t have to, because it’s 2015. DST is one of those things that makes me glad for my smartphone. Back in the dark ages, people would show up late for work and stuff if they forgot to change the clocks. Nowadays? Meh.

As for your missing hour, I recommend finding a suitable earthenware vessel beforehand, then, instead of just discarding the hour, pack it in the jar with some kosher salt and a mixture of your favorite spices. Cover it and leave somewhere cool (but not cold), for the duration of DST. You’ll know things are progressing nicely if the contents smell of hot sunshine, OK Go music videos, and unicorn dreams. After a summer’s fermentation, the lost hour will mature into three or four days of concentrated party time. You’ll know it’s ready when your horoscope reads like a Carson McCullers poem and the jar hums softly to the tune of the universe.

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I'm listening, but I don't hear the music. If we lived in Russia, Arizona or Hawaii we wouldn't be dealing with this weirdness. I went to bed late last night and woke up "late" this morning. As I write, it's already 2 p.m. and I haven't finished reading the Sunday paper. The radio says that many people suffer heart attacks on the first Monday morning following our herd-behavior of "springing forward." The truth is that two-thirds of the year is being called DST and for what? Who decides this and who benefits? Did our ancestors do this? I don't think so.

My ancestors celebrated DST during the Renaissance, but they were just being le ironique.

You have to listen carefully for the tunes, but they sometimes sound a lot like Elliot Smith.

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