"The City of San Diego has acted in good faith with the San Diego Chargers," cried Mayor Faulconer at today's press conference, his plastic bib flopping about as he flailed his arms. "We sped up the environmental impact report and the funding proposal, just to meet their arbitrary timeline. We offered tax-based incentives that would make the Koch brothers blush. We sat up and begged like good little doggies. We let USC come in and eat UCSD's funding lunch on Alzheimer's research, just to placate the pro-L.A. crowd. But despite all that, the organization continues to press forward with its Carson proposal. It's outrageous, I tell you! And I won't stand for it very much longer!" At that point, Faulconer put his oversized pacifier back into his mouth and sucked angrily, while City Attorney Jan Goldsmith uttered a stream of unintelligible quacking sounds.