Straight from the Sea Lion's Mouth

Judging by the Cover

Just seeing the January 30 cover, “I Only Date Vegans,” was enough for me to decide I did not want to read the article.

  • Al Stanko
  • Alpine

That’s Weird

You guys ran the exact same News of the Weird in this issue (January 30) that you ran last week (January 23). Are you just too lazy to go out and find new information? Come on!

  • Name Withheld
  • via voicemail

Sadistic Suggestions

I would like to comment on the letters to the editor that ran in the January 30 issue addressing the La Jolla seal problem. I was shocked at how sadistic the suggestions were. One reader suggests using electric cattle prods and firecrackers. Another reader suggests dropping pellets on them and covering the cliffs with barb wire.

Instead of using these extremely cruel methods, why can’t Californians just go swim somewhere else? There are miles and miles of beach in California. Just leave the poor seals alone!

  • Vivian M. Dunbar
  • San Ysidro

Scripps Would Not Be Pleased

Regarding your January 16 cover story, “La Jolla Cove Is Becoming a Sea Lion Cesspool,” the public, particularly La Jollans, need to be reminded that the “problem area” is in between two marine reserves.

In the case of the north underwater area, I remember when I would board a sport fishing boat, proceed to the north area, and catch plentiful fish. It has taken decades for this area to return to a somewhat natural state.

Seals eat too. Their areas of long ago are now back to a good abundant fish source. They are naturally more abundant too.

On top of this, Children’s Pool — manmade — is really no longer a pool. There are many sources showing what it was like originally, and those can be compared to videos/photos of sometimes very large surf breaking at the inlet. Never mentioned is that the sluice gates that kept the pool a pool, and flushing any sand out of it, have been permanently closed. This is in historical records and photos.

I don’t think Ellen Browning Scripps would be pleased with this situation. She likely might even say to remove the pool. We have Mission Bay and plenty of beach areas that can fulfill everything the pool has, except the opportunity for all to see close up the natural calving and relationships the seals share.

  • Greg Gieselman
  • O.B./Point Loma

Straight from the Sea Lion’s Mouth

Dear Reader, magazine for humans:

My name is Ork-ork-aag (or “Old Mackerel Breath” in human), and I am a sea lion resident of San Diego, which we call “the nice beaches protected by the kelp forest.” I am writing today to complain about the humans who are turning the beaches of San Diego into cesspools, and there isn’t much we sea lions can do about it.

For millions of years, the original local residents of San Diego, such as sea lions, seals, pelicans, seagulls, and delicious fish, have existed in an ecosystem where different kinds of folks exist together in the same place. It’s a very nice system to coexist in. Humans should try it!

Recently, in the past few hundred sun rotations, human visitors have come to our home, and begun to take over everywhere, staking out places only for themselves! They also dump poop into the water, which is a problem if you have millions of humans dumping poop. Humans also dump toxic chemicals and garbage in the water, which is bad for sea lions and delicious fish.

Lately, humans have also been taking over all the beaches, so that sea lions (and seals, who are funny, quiet, shy guys) don’t have anywhere to take naps and raise their kids. The entire coast of San Diego (not to mention California) has thousands of beautiful beaches, which are now almost all taken by humans. How many beaches do sea lions have? (Not to mention seals, even though they are a little less amazing than us sea lions.)

Sea lion scientists have attempted to understand why humans do this. It is very strange. We know that humans can share beaches with animals. For example, there are four dog beaches in San Diego where dog people (who are funny, but less wonderful than sea lions) can run and poop and do dog business.

Some sea lion thinkers suggest that we should put funny poofs of fur on our heads and call ourselves Coco or Rex so that humans will also let us run and poop on the beach like a dog.

Some sea lions are very upset, and ask why humans only like sea lions when they are in prison, such as SeaWorld or a zoo. Do you only like us if we put a ball on our nose and clap our fins?

We sea lions want to live free in a clean, fair world. We do not like the human intrusion, which takes our beaches and pollutes the ecosystem. Even our property values are dropping, since there is less delicious fish. For this reason, many sea lions like the human Tea Party, and Libertarians, which also respect individual rights and property rights. Sea lions support these reasonable ideas.

Unfortunately, sea lions cannot drive SUVs to go to another beach, since we do not have opposable thumbs. Now that we have Google Translate, you will hear more from us. Also, we are hoping for Google to finish the robot car soon, so we can also drive to another beach like a human.

  • Ork-ork-aag
  • San Diego Sea Lion (and Other Less Spectacular Creatures) Association

Gaily Gobbled by the Glorified Greedy

Every time I’ve driven past the Symbolic Motor Car Company showrooms in La Jolla, I’ve not only drooled a little over what’s for sale inside, but wondered what the company’s name is supposed to mean.

Now, with co-owner Marc Chase under investigation for funneling Mexican money to San Diego political campaigns (News Ticker: “Fast Cars and Faster Times: Filner Backer of Interest,” January 22), I think I get it.

The dealership and its lavish luxury motor cars are symbolic of a lifestyle which often includes a sense of entitlement to participate in the pay-to-play political financing schemes through which the rich and powerful among us (yes, even locally in lovely little La Jolla) are able to buy a table at the buffet of political bartering which is closed to the great unwashed among us (including me), and which has, in the recent past, moved out of hiding in those old-fashioned smoke-filled back rooms and into an open-air political marketplace where a veritable smorgasbord of campaign confections — like so many cakes, and cookies, and candies — are gaily gobbled down by the glorified greedy, amidst the wheeling and the dealing which have always delighted the few among us at the expense not merely of the many, but of most of us.

  • Christopher Corbett-Fiacco
  • North Park

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I am really impressed with the sea lion Ork-ork-aag ("Straight from the Sea Lion’s Mouth"-Feb 8 Letters). It so eloquently addressed the La Jolla sea lion issue. It is hard to find such a good human writer let alone a sea creature writer. Perhaps the Reader would consider hiring Ork-ork-aag, paying it with anchovies. Hung Nguyen

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