Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Heaven Is a Library

­I’m writing this toward the end of June — Friday, the 18th — and just beginning to breathe (some wheezing involved) sighs of relief at what I hope are indications that some of the worst of the past ten months or so are falling behind me. The medical stuff I will be unable to leave anywhere except where it has permanently settled; but there is hope offered by down-the-road, ameliorating surgery, but not until months have passed. ­I’ve behaved myself in unaccustomed ways and healed much, er, lifestyle damage over a long stretch. The alternative is a much abbreviated life expectancy, very much so, ­I’m given to understand; and I am convinced I am not being misled. Nor have I been given any guarantees, even if I become a rosy-cheeked poster boy for health and ­fitness.

Like most anyone else, however, I do have the summer. ­I’ll be crossing the Coronado bridge by bus, armed with novels and a towel. ­I’ll go to see Robin Hood because I really like Russell Crowe with a sword. Also, ­I’ll seek out a place to move into — probably with a roommate — that has air-conditioning and is in a neighborhood that will not depress the crap out of me and send me running blindly into the forest of cheap hotels ­I’ve become familiar with in recent times — and all without getting frantic about it. I ­don’t have the breath or, yes, the heart for that sort of thing these ­days.

Sponsored
Sponsored

Speaking of the heart, I have to see what I can do about reestablishing contact with my son. For one reason and another, none of them hostility or resentments, we ­haven’t seen each other or spoken since last November. Largely, this is because, last I heard, he refused to own a phone (as well as other electronic technology, an expensive lot of which he rid himself of, irretrievably, via Dumpsters and other methods). Though, I did hear he had again agreed to take his medication, but that is outdated news and could easily have changed. My ignorance is due in large part to my having been cut off by his mother, who will no longer return phone calls to her reprobate drunk of an ex-husband. I cannot blame her for this very much and ­don’t. Besides, I could well be wrong: ­I’m a bitch to get hold ­of.

In short, ­I’m working on a resolution of slow building, to make the most of the summer, that is, to remind myself ­I’m not dead yet and I can no longer afford to be a self-indulgent maniac. No point in regretting my long-standing misapprehension of myself as a kind of Keith Richards, but I do anyway. Regret it, I mean. I think I wrote somewhere that those who claim late in life that they have no regrets are either flat-out lying or belong to that capacious category of sociopath ­fools.

­I’ll work as much as possible and write what I can in the days ahead — stuff that will have little to do with work and will quickly be lost in the way that the largest percentage of anything ­I’ve ever set to the page has proved ephemeral, mostly disposable. ­I’m speaking of writing for its own sake. Why the compulsion to do so, ­I’ll never know, never did. It certainly has nothing whatever to do with fame or fortune. It is a mystery, a mostly harmless one, that I consider to be one among many others that are somehow at the heart of all ­things.

Reading — something linked closely to my concept, since childhood, of heaven as a vast library in eternity — is a thing I should take greater care about now. I have read enough Stephen King and enjoyed much of it but feel those books should be relegated to the category of amusing and not at all unpleasant memories. ­I’ll read ­what’s left of the Graham Greene works I never got around to, go back to Marcus Aurelius, more poetry, but only by the tried-and-true practitioners that have moved me in the past (several still living), some works by old friends I never met. Speaking of which, I will no doubt reread some works like Anthony ­Burgess’s ­You’ve Had Your Time, the second volume of his autobiography. Ah, but these are simply good intentions; I will undoubtedly end up reading whatever is on the labels of items in ­friends’ medicine cabinets while using their bathrooms. I have done exactly this many ­times.

I can resolve to do more good works, attend church, and in general attempt to imitate the behavior of the kind of man thought of as “good.” But under most circumstances, this would be an exercise in pulling the wool over my own eyes with little hope of fooling anyone ­else.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Flowering pear trees in Kensington not that nice

Empty dirt plots in front of Ken Cinema
Next Article

San Diego's Uptown Planners challenged by renters from Vibrant Uptown

Two La Jolla planning groups fight for predominance

­I’m writing this toward the end of June — Friday, the 18th — and just beginning to breathe (some wheezing involved) sighs of relief at what I hope are indications that some of the worst of the past ten months or so are falling behind me. The medical stuff I will be unable to leave anywhere except where it has permanently settled; but there is hope offered by down-the-road, ameliorating surgery, but not until months have passed. ­I’ve behaved myself in unaccustomed ways and healed much, er, lifestyle damage over a long stretch. The alternative is a much abbreviated life expectancy, very much so, ­I’m given to understand; and I am convinced I am not being misled. Nor have I been given any guarantees, even if I become a rosy-cheeked poster boy for health and ­fitness.

Like most anyone else, however, I do have the summer. ­I’ll be crossing the Coronado bridge by bus, armed with novels and a towel. ­I’ll go to see Robin Hood because I really like Russell Crowe with a sword. Also, ­I’ll seek out a place to move into — probably with a roommate — that has air-conditioning and is in a neighborhood that will not depress the crap out of me and send me running blindly into the forest of cheap hotels ­I’ve become familiar with in recent times — and all without getting frantic about it. I ­don’t have the breath or, yes, the heart for that sort of thing these ­days.

Sponsored
Sponsored

Speaking of the heart, I have to see what I can do about reestablishing contact with my son. For one reason and another, none of them hostility or resentments, we ­haven’t seen each other or spoken since last November. Largely, this is because, last I heard, he refused to own a phone (as well as other electronic technology, an expensive lot of which he rid himself of, irretrievably, via Dumpsters and other methods). Though, I did hear he had again agreed to take his medication, but that is outdated news and could easily have changed. My ignorance is due in large part to my having been cut off by his mother, who will no longer return phone calls to her reprobate drunk of an ex-husband. I cannot blame her for this very much and ­don’t. Besides, I could well be wrong: ­I’m a bitch to get hold ­of.

In short, ­I’m working on a resolution of slow building, to make the most of the summer, that is, to remind myself ­I’m not dead yet and I can no longer afford to be a self-indulgent maniac. No point in regretting my long-standing misapprehension of myself as a kind of Keith Richards, but I do anyway. Regret it, I mean. I think I wrote somewhere that those who claim late in life that they have no regrets are either flat-out lying or belong to that capacious category of sociopath ­fools.

­I’ll work as much as possible and write what I can in the days ahead — stuff that will have little to do with work and will quickly be lost in the way that the largest percentage of anything ­I’ve ever set to the page has proved ephemeral, mostly disposable. ­I’m speaking of writing for its own sake. Why the compulsion to do so, ­I’ll never know, never did. It certainly has nothing whatever to do with fame or fortune. It is a mystery, a mostly harmless one, that I consider to be one among many others that are somehow at the heart of all ­things.

Reading — something linked closely to my concept, since childhood, of heaven as a vast library in eternity — is a thing I should take greater care about now. I have read enough Stephen King and enjoyed much of it but feel those books should be relegated to the category of amusing and not at all unpleasant memories. ­I’ll read ­what’s left of the Graham Greene works I never got around to, go back to Marcus Aurelius, more poetry, but only by the tried-and-true practitioners that have moved me in the past (several still living), some works by old friends I never met. Speaking of which, I will no doubt reread some works like Anthony ­Burgess’s ­You’ve Had Your Time, the second volume of his autobiography. Ah, but these are simply good intentions; I will undoubtedly end up reading whatever is on the labels of items in ­friends’ medicine cabinets while using their bathrooms. I have done exactly this many ­times.

I can resolve to do more good works, attend church, and in general attempt to imitate the behavior of the kind of man thought of as “good.” But under most circumstances, this would be an exercise in pulling the wool over my own eyes with little hope of fooling anyone ­else.

Comments
Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Centennial Salute to San Diego’s Military, East Village Block Party, Birding Basics Class

Events March 29-March 30, 2024
Next Article

Didja know I did the first American feature on Jimi Hendrix?

Richard Meltzer goes through the Germs, Blue Oyster Cult, Ray Charles, Elvis, Lavender Hill Mob
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.