Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

The Cake Fell by Dawn Bernier

In the summer of 2001, shortly after graduating with a master’s in politics, I landed a one-year internship with the Congressional Hunger Center to study poverty and food banks in Phoenix, Arizona. I was young, idealistic, and wanted to save the world. Although I was earning close to nothing, the fellowship did provide rent-free living in a swanky furnished two-bedroom apartment near Scottsdale.

I arrived at the apartment a few days after my roommate and immediately noticed that she had taken it upon herself to claim the master bedroom and the majority of the shelving space. The coffee table in the living room was decorated with personal photo albums. When I finally met her — Marisa — she offered no apologies and no excuses, just a blank look on her face.

The girl and I never hit it off. She suggested that we carpool together to the food bank but never volunteered her vehicle. I dropped the carpool after a couple of weeks. Although constantly bragging about what a lavish upper-class upbringing she had had in Chicago, she lived as miserly as possible.

The first couple of weeks I took the trash out several times before realizing that she never did. I stopped taking the trash out. The trash piled up, doubling the size of the trash bins in the bathroom and the kitchen. I think the only thing I liked about her was her long, beautiful, silky hair — however, it shed in the shower and would clog the drain. She never bothered removing the hair from the drain, either. My options were to stand in inches of tub water while showering or remove disgusting gobs of mildewy hair from the drain.

Sponsored
Sponsored

One Friday afternoon I set out to meet my boyfriend from San Diego in Yuma. Before even exiting the parking lot, I realized that I had forgotten something and returned to the apartment. There was Marisa, angrily mashing a chocolate cake that I had made a couple of days prior down the garbage disposal.

“What the hell are you doing?” I said. She, without skipping a beat, and with that blank look on her face, said only one thing: “The cake fell.”

The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I ordered a bottle of perfume online. I received an email notification that the perfume had been delivered and signed for at the apartment-rental office. I dropped by and was informed that the package had been signed for and picked up by my roommate. When I questioned Marisa about the package, she adopted that blank look and said, “I did pick up a package, but it was a birthday gift from my boyfriend.”

But I had proof that the perfume had been delivered and signed for! I accused her of stealing it. She denied everything, saying only that the package she had picked up was one from her boyfriend. I told her that I would believe her if she could come up with proof that her boyfriend had indeed sent her a package. Of course she could not. What was I to do?

While at work the next day I decided to go back to the apartment at lunch to search her belongings. Marisa was never home for lunch. As I was entering the front door of the apartment I realized that someone was right behind me. It’s Marisa! She ran into her room and then dashed right back out, past me and out of the apartment. My biggest regret is not tackling her down the stairs from our second-story place, retrieving the perfume that I know she had stashed on her.

I called the program directors of the Congressional Hunger Center and told them what had happened, sending them proof of the delivered perfume and my roommate’s thievery. I requested that they relocate her to another site. They preferred that we mediate the situation. I opted for quitting and moving back to San Diego, but not before exacting my own revenge — I urinated into her bottle of shampoo.

I could have handled the situation better, but every time I think of her beautiful hair, I smile.

Tell us the story of your roommate from hell and we will publish it and pay you ($100 for 500-2000 words).

E-mail story to
[email protected]
Or mail to:
San Diego Reader/Roommate
Box 85803
San Diego, CA 92186

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

San Diego Reader 2024 Music & Arts Issue

Favorite fakers: Baby Bushka, Fleetwood Max, Electric Waste Band, Oceans, Geezer – plus upcoming tribute schedule
Next Article

2024’s Best Bitcoin & Crypto Casinos – Play BTC Casino Games Online

Best Bitcoin Casinos (2024): Top 10 Crypto Casino Sites for BIG Payouts

In the summer of 2001, shortly after graduating with a master’s in politics, I landed a one-year internship with the Congressional Hunger Center to study poverty and food banks in Phoenix, Arizona. I was young, idealistic, and wanted to save the world. Although I was earning close to nothing, the fellowship did provide rent-free living in a swanky furnished two-bedroom apartment near Scottsdale.

I arrived at the apartment a few days after my roommate and immediately noticed that she had taken it upon herself to claim the master bedroom and the majority of the shelving space. The coffee table in the living room was decorated with personal photo albums. When I finally met her — Marisa — she offered no apologies and no excuses, just a blank look on her face.

The girl and I never hit it off. She suggested that we carpool together to the food bank but never volunteered her vehicle. I dropped the carpool after a couple of weeks. Although constantly bragging about what a lavish upper-class upbringing she had had in Chicago, she lived as miserly as possible.

The first couple of weeks I took the trash out several times before realizing that she never did. I stopped taking the trash out. The trash piled up, doubling the size of the trash bins in the bathroom and the kitchen. I think the only thing I liked about her was her long, beautiful, silky hair — however, it shed in the shower and would clog the drain. She never bothered removing the hair from the drain, either. My options were to stand in inches of tub water while showering or remove disgusting gobs of mildewy hair from the drain.

Sponsored
Sponsored

One Friday afternoon I set out to meet my boyfriend from San Diego in Yuma. Before even exiting the parking lot, I realized that I had forgotten something and returned to the apartment. There was Marisa, angrily mashing a chocolate cake that I had made a couple of days prior down the garbage disposal.

“What the hell are you doing?” I said. She, without skipping a beat, and with that blank look on her face, said only one thing: “The cake fell.”

The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I ordered a bottle of perfume online. I received an email notification that the perfume had been delivered and signed for at the apartment-rental office. I dropped by and was informed that the package had been signed for and picked up by my roommate. When I questioned Marisa about the package, she adopted that blank look and said, “I did pick up a package, but it was a birthday gift from my boyfriend.”

But I had proof that the perfume had been delivered and signed for! I accused her of stealing it. She denied everything, saying only that the package she had picked up was one from her boyfriend. I told her that I would believe her if she could come up with proof that her boyfriend had indeed sent her a package. Of course she could not. What was I to do?

While at work the next day I decided to go back to the apartment at lunch to search her belongings. Marisa was never home for lunch. As I was entering the front door of the apartment I realized that someone was right behind me. It’s Marisa! She ran into her room and then dashed right back out, past me and out of the apartment. My biggest regret is not tackling her down the stairs from our second-story place, retrieving the perfume that I know she had stashed on her.

I called the program directors of the Congressional Hunger Center and told them what had happened, sending them proof of the delivered perfume and my roommate’s thievery. I requested that they relocate her to another site. They preferred that we mediate the situation. I opted for quitting and moving back to San Diego, but not before exacting my own revenge — I urinated into her bottle of shampoo.

I could have handled the situation better, but every time I think of her beautiful hair, I smile.

Tell us the story of your roommate from hell and we will publish it and pay you ($100 for 500-2000 words).

E-mail story to
[email protected]
Or mail to:
San Diego Reader/Roommate
Box 85803
San Diego, CA 92186

Comments
Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Navy solves San Diego homeless crisis by retiring four locally moored ships

Decommision Accomplished
Next Article

Nation’s sexy soldiers stage protest at Pendleton in wake of change in Marine uniform policy

Semper WHY?
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.