Beer, Blondes, and More Beer

A friend called to tell me about a party she was crashing in Mission Valley. Country singer Kenny Chesney was there. (I recognized the name from his two-month marriage to Renée Zellweger.) One of Chesney's roadies was reluctant to let my friend crash the party as it was Chesney's birthday, and my friend said she was stared at as she went for the buffet. Since the party was wrapping up, I didn't head down. This same friend told me about a private party at the Belly Up Tavern. That party would be attended by actors Ed Begley, Jr. and Geena Davis. I tried to crash it, but was unsuccessful.

As I was driving home dejected, another friend called to berate me. "You write about parties, but the biggest party of the year is happening at Fiesta Island, and I'm sure it'll be another year you don't write about it."

This friend is a member of the Old Mission Beach Athletic Club (OMBAC), which organizes the Over the Line softball tournament. After years of avoiding the large crowds with their obnoxious team names, I figured it was time to see what all the hype was about.

At the scoring area, I felt patriotic as I glanced up at the flags. Then I realized that the California Republic flag had two bears mating.

The scoreboards displayed the teams that were competing this year. I asked someone about the brackets, and he pointed to a sign that read "No dumb shit questions." A few organizers had this phrase printed on their shirts.

It was amusing when the announcer had to introduce the teams by their names. Rod Luck was at the tournament covering the story for KUSI, and I was surprised when the announcer said, "Rod Luck Is a Dick." Turned out it was a team's name.

There was a team called "Attention Please, All Further Games Have Been Cancelled," which created confusion. Other team names included: "Barry Bonds Flaxseed Oil," "Clairemonsters," and "Short Fat & Ugly, But We Can Still Get Some If We Pay." Perhaps team names shouldn't be whole sentences.

A few businesses used their company name as their team name with ".com" attached. I didn't get the joke until I saw a business called "Law Offices of Craven, Moorehead, and Tayle."

Several OTL teams had topical names, such as "Duke Lacrosse" and, among three different teams with Cheney in their name, "I'd Rather Go Shooting with Cheney than Driving with Kennedy," which won most of its games and advanced to the following week.

There were several team names about drinking: "Our Drinking Team Has an OTL Problem," "Three Drunk Bastards, But We Can Still Beat the Hawaiian Shirt Guys," "We Promise Not to Drink this Year so We Can Get a Hit," and "Beer Is Cheaper than Therapy."

There were various divisions, including one that was explained to me as the players' ages adding up to 100.

I would've watched more games, but it was windy, causing small sand storms. Also, I had heard that the Tonight Show was filming, with Stuttering John (formerly of Howard Stern) doing stunts with people. A friend and I went searching for him.

While searching for the Tonight Show crew, we ended up in an area for OMBAC members only. My friend and I got free booze and burgers. One of the rules about drinking at OTL is that nothing can be in glass bottles, so people were pouring their drinks into plastic cups.

A few people walked in complaining about a bus driver. The woman told us, "He got lost, and we ended up in the SeaWorld parking lot. It took 15 minutes just to get out of there!" Thirty minutes later, another group of people came in with similar complaints.

Various companies held areas that they paid for. At most of these areas, you could see empty beer cans scattered. The fire fighters' area, however, had empty water bottles everywhere. A guy walked by and said, "Why hydrate when water is $18 a bottle? I'll just stick to drinking beer."

Each booth was hosting a party. A Jimmy Buffet fan club had an elaborate Margaritaville set up. A group of hunters had ammo, camouflage, and sandbags set around them.

I watched a team called the Killer B's practice before their game. I asked what the B's stood for and was told, "Beer, blondes, and more beer."

I overheard one girl complaining that there were photos in the OTL program of women's breasts. She said, "Why not any photos of men and their private parts?" The OMBAC guy looked at her and said, "We aren't stupid. We don't hire female photographers."

The first woman I asked to take a picture of for this story promptly lifted her shirt. I later saw her dropping her shorts for another photograph. It was as if we were at a Girls Gone Wild video shoot.

I wondered how hard it is to get permits to do this on the beach, and how they go about hiring security for an event where everyone is drinking, carrying baseball bats, and getting naked at the drop of a hat. It seemed like trouble waiting to happen.

But as one OMBAC guy told me, "Like we say at OTL...if you don't remember it, it didn't happen."

Crash your party? Call 619-235-3000 x421 and leave an invitation for Josh Board.

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