Guns don't kill people, R-rated movies do
In an attempt to put a Band-Aid on the gushing wounds caused by recent gun violence in America, NATO President, John Fithian, has called upon Hollywood to make fewer R-rated movies.
Fithian joined MPAA chairman and CEO Christopher Dodd in delivering keynote speeches at this year's CinemaCon in Las Vegas. Both men were making good on a promise they made to Vice President Biden following the December shooting in Newtown, Connecticut.
"It's cool to be Quentin Tarantino and it's fun to make movies that have all those diverse elements," Fithian said at a press conference following his talk. "But there's a bit of a disconnect between exhibitors and studios as to what works."
First of all, Mr. Fi(l)thian, you censor for a living. You're a professional fink. How do you even know what cool is? Second, nice way to have the industry's back. Curtailing the production of R-rated movies is not going to put an end to the armed, grudge-harboring mental patients that roam our streets. Asking filmmakers and audiences to swallow this heaping spoonful of medicine to make the sugar go down is insulting. Why not just admit complicity on the part of the studios and be done with it.
If Fi(l)thian had called for more sex and less violence, we wouldn't be having this discussion. Here's Hollywood's rating system in a nutshell: One "fuck" and it's PG-13. Two "fucks" earn you an R. If you show tits, it's rated X. If you cut them off with a chainsaw, it's rated R. Hollywood has always championed violence over vice. I'm all for curtailing mindless gore, but only in exchange for heightened sexual promiscuity.
What stings most is Fi(l)thian attempting to dictate aesthetics. Must everything short of pornography be pitched to children? I for one do not want to be sentenced to an eternity of The Smurfs and PG-13 Katherine Heigl romcoms. Don't tell Marty or Tarantino or anybody else what kind of movies to make. It's not cool. The fact that Mr. Nato doesn't know just how uncool a move it is proves just how uncool an asshole he is.
Here is NATO and the MPAA's antidote to the wave of violence sweeping our country:
This campaign is intended for adults, not children; can the condescending Sesame Street rebop. The watchdog organizations must be proud of the way they perpetuate Hollywood stereotypes. Why is the fairy princess white and the NC-17 slut a Latina? A black bus driver? Puh-leeze! The only one they got right was rating the superhero PG-13 and sticking him in the back of the bus.
If their little PSA makes the people at NATO and the MPAA sleep better, let them have their fun. Instead of calling for fewer R-rated movies, why not put in a request for more inspired storytelling to help stir Hollywood coffers.
What's the solution to gun control? If I knew the answer to that question that do you think I'd be pumping out jokes for a movie blog? One thing's for certain: just say no to "Check the Box."