Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Corporate craft culture

Big Coffee, Big Juice, and maybe even Big Water follow Big Beer’s invasion of San Diego’s craft scene

This recent photo of the San Diego Water Purification Demonstration Plant would seem to suggest that the Waltons remain a pretty crafty bunch.
This recent photo of the San Diego Water Purification Demonstration Plant would seem to suggest that the Waltons remain a pretty crafty bunch.
Sculpy the Sculpin, Ballast Point’s new official mascot. “Everyone loves Ballast Point’s Sculpin IPA’s,” explains Constellation spokesborg Cyrus Sooth. “But our market research indicated that the illustrations on the labels were too ‘busy' — almost to the point of visual overload. Which is the last thing your average beer drinker wants from a label when he’s scanning the shelves at the supermarket or liquor store. We think the grumpy cartoon look of Sculpy will appeal to craft beer drinkers, who tend to skew young and use emojis a lot when they text. And they’ll appeal to other sorts of beer drinkers as well, from Bronys to biz kids to Belles. And the shifting color scheme will provide an easy guide for fans and newcomers alike. Clockwise from upper left, you have Sculpin IPA, Grapefruit Sculpin IPA, Habanero Sculpin IPA, and Pineapple Sculpin IPA. And remember, this is just a tiny tweak to the label, to ease entry into the marketplace. Fiddling with the package should in no way be seen as a precursor to fiddling with what’s inside. Why, that would amount to changing what makes Ballast Point…Ballast Point!"

When MillerCoors bought Saint Archer Brewing for $35 million, fans of San Diego’s craft beer community grumbled, but consoled themselves with the thought that Saint Archer was always about the money, anyway. But when Constellation Brands bought Ballast Point for $1 billion, the incursion of soulless Big Beer — “where it’s all about the brand and not the brew” — could no longer be ignored.

“These were guys who started out of a home-brew supply store,” says local beer drinker Bud Gutt. “You can’t get more crafty than that.”

Only 10 barrels? Now that’s small-batch brewing!

And when 10 Barrel Brewing Co., a former Oregon craft brew now owned by Anheuser-Busch, got approved to install a brewery at 15th and E Streets downtown, “it became clear that we were under attack. But sadly, it did not become clear to everyone. Joe Gaslamp is probably gonna see a name like 10 Barrel and think he’s all set to enjoy another fine offering from the craft beer capital of the world.”

Sponsored
Sponsored

Unfortunately, recent developments indicate that the corporate creep into craftland is not limited to the beer scene.

“We’re very pleased with the new logo,” says Starbucks Head of Brand Acquisitions Bryan Borg. “Frankly, the old one was a bit redundant. That’s a lovely ampersand, but when you already have a plus sign between “Coffee” and “Tea,” you don’t really need it. In the new logo, you still get the target’s, er, the acquisition’s full name, but the redundancy has been replaced by our signature split-tailed mermaid. Speaking of redundancies, did you say something about them still having a CEO? Let me make a note of that.”

Yesterday, San Diego’s highly regarded Coffee & Tea Collective announced that it had been purchased for $50 million by the coffee giant Starbucks.

“People are naturally going to regard this as the little fish getting swallowed by the big fish,” said C&TC CEO David Howcome. “And it’s true that I’ve gone on the record in the past with my criticisms of the one-note dark-roasting style at Starbucks — the way it tends to obscure varietal characteristics. But I prefer to think of it as a powerful virus entering a much larger, much less vital organism. I’m hoping my enthusiasm for great craft coffee will prove infectious to the whole Starbucks culture. If not, then I will just have to console myself with a yacht and a place on St. Bart’s. I hear the coffee’s pretty good there!”

Dr. Pepper Snapple Group vice president of research and development Dr. David Thomas, seen here negotiating with Peter and Ashley Woodlawn outside their home in Point Loma. “The Woodlawns bring a level of care and creativity to their lemonade that we at Dr. Pepper Snapple Group find very exciting,” says Thomas. “They even offer pulp and no-pulp versions of their artisan lemonade, which they note is made from lemons they picked themselves out back, and sweetened with real sugar instead of corn syrup. We see a big bright future ahead for Mission Hills Lemonade Company, and we want to help make that future even bigger and brighter. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d really like to close this deal before Mr. and Mrs. Woodlawn come out of their house and complicate matters.”

And that’s not all.

While enjoying a brisk Saturday-morning stroll from the alley behind The Alibi to the Mencken domicile, this reporter stumbled across what may be the first sign of Big Juice’s push to get in on San Diego’s sweet craft action.

Unfortunately, as of press time, SD on the QT was unable to confirm rumors that Walmart had entered into negotiations with the City of San Diego to bottle the city's toilet-to-tap purified drinking water under its Great Value label. Also unconfirmed: the slogan “From crap to craft.”

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Didja know I did the first American feature on Jimi Hendrix?

Richard Meltzer goes through the Germs, Blue Oyster Cult, Ray Charles, Elvis, Lavender Hill Mob
This recent photo of the San Diego Water Purification Demonstration Plant would seem to suggest that the Waltons remain a pretty crafty bunch.
This recent photo of the San Diego Water Purification Demonstration Plant would seem to suggest that the Waltons remain a pretty crafty bunch.
Sculpy the Sculpin, Ballast Point’s new official mascot. “Everyone loves Ballast Point’s Sculpin IPA’s,” explains Constellation spokesborg Cyrus Sooth. “But our market research indicated that the illustrations on the labels were too ‘busy' — almost to the point of visual overload. Which is the last thing your average beer drinker wants from a label when he’s scanning the shelves at the supermarket or liquor store. We think the grumpy cartoon look of Sculpy will appeal to craft beer drinkers, who tend to skew young and use emojis a lot when they text. And they’ll appeal to other sorts of beer drinkers as well, from Bronys to biz kids to Belles. And the shifting color scheme will provide an easy guide for fans and newcomers alike. Clockwise from upper left, you have Sculpin IPA, Grapefruit Sculpin IPA, Habanero Sculpin IPA, and Pineapple Sculpin IPA. And remember, this is just a tiny tweak to the label, to ease entry into the marketplace. Fiddling with the package should in no way be seen as a precursor to fiddling with what’s inside. Why, that would amount to changing what makes Ballast Point…Ballast Point!"

When MillerCoors bought Saint Archer Brewing for $35 million, fans of San Diego’s craft beer community grumbled, but consoled themselves with the thought that Saint Archer was always about the money, anyway. But when Constellation Brands bought Ballast Point for $1 billion, the incursion of soulless Big Beer — “where it’s all about the brand and not the brew” — could no longer be ignored.

“These were guys who started out of a home-brew supply store,” says local beer drinker Bud Gutt. “You can’t get more crafty than that.”

Only 10 barrels? Now that’s small-batch brewing!

And when 10 Barrel Brewing Co., a former Oregon craft brew now owned by Anheuser-Busch, got approved to install a brewery at 15th and E Streets downtown, “it became clear that we were under attack. But sadly, it did not become clear to everyone. Joe Gaslamp is probably gonna see a name like 10 Barrel and think he’s all set to enjoy another fine offering from the craft beer capital of the world.”

Sponsored
Sponsored

Unfortunately, recent developments indicate that the corporate creep into craftland is not limited to the beer scene.

“We’re very pleased with the new logo,” says Starbucks Head of Brand Acquisitions Bryan Borg. “Frankly, the old one was a bit redundant. That’s a lovely ampersand, but when you already have a plus sign between “Coffee” and “Tea,” you don’t really need it. In the new logo, you still get the target’s, er, the acquisition’s full name, but the redundancy has been replaced by our signature split-tailed mermaid. Speaking of redundancies, did you say something about them still having a CEO? Let me make a note of that.”

Yesterday, San Diego’s highly regarded Coffee & Tea Collective announced that it had been purchased for $50 million by the coffee giant Starbucks.

“People are naturally going to regard this as the little fish getting swallowed by the big fish,” said C&TC CEO David Howcome. “And it’s true that I’ve gone on the record in the past with my criticisms of the one-note dark-roasting style at Starbucks — the way it tends to obscure varietal characteristics. But I prefer to think of it as a powerful virus entering a much larger, much less vital organism. I’m hoping my enthusiasm for great craft coffee will prove infectious to the whole Starbucks culture. If not, then I will just have to console myself with a yacht and a place on St. Bart’s. I hear the coffee’s pretty good there!”

Dr. Pepper Snapple Group vice president of research and development Dr. David Thomas, seen here negotiating with Peter and Ashley Woodlawn outside their home in Point Loma. “The Woodlawns bring a level of care and creativity to their lemonade that we at Dr. Pepper Snapple Group find very exciting,” says Thomas. “They even offer pulp and no-pulp versions of their artisan lemonade, which they note is made from lemons they picked themselves out back, and sweetened with real sugar instead of corn syrup. We see a big bright future ahead for Mission Hills Lemonade Company, and we want to help make that future even bigger and brighter. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d really like to close this deal before Mr. and Mrs. Woodlawn come out of their house and complicate matters.”

And that’s not all.

While enjoying a brisk Saturday-morning stroll from the alley behind The Alibi to the Mencken domicile, this reporter stumbled across what may be the first sign of Big Juice’s push to get in on San Diego’s sweet craft action.

Unfortunately, as of press time, SD on the QT was unable to confirm rumors that Walmart had entered into negotiations with the City of San Diego to bottle the city's toilet-to-tap purified drinking water under its Great Value label. Also unconfirmed: the slogan “From crap to craft.”

Comments
Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Melissa Etheridge, The Imaginary Amazon

Events April 1-April 3, 2024
Next Article

20 Best Online Casinos USA For Real Money (2024 List)

USA Online Casinos: Top 20 Online Casino Sites of 2024
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.