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Buttology

From “rump-fed runyon” to “Don’t want none unless you got buns, hon.”

Bosch’s Garden of Earthly Delights is a veritable butt bonanza! Clockwise from upper left: butt bouquet (a rose in any other place would smell as sweet!), blue butts, early colonoscopy, bottom feeder.

Over 10,000 years ago, playa-gatherers admired the first badonkadonk. Since then, butts have spread across the globe and have come to be known by many names. Other than breasts, and perhaps legs, they are the most widely admired body parts in the world.

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The pursuit of booty led us to build shelters, start wars, and write the first epic poems. (Helen of Troy had the backspace that haunched a thousand hips.) As our relationship with butts continued, they became part of our daily life, songs, and culture. The thickness reflects the foundation of civilization.

Some people think playing the butt trumpet is as simple as eating beans and onions, but as these illustrations make clear, it can involve some pretty complicated fingering technique.

Like the earliest rump rangers, today’s butt nuts are innovators who add new techniques, terminology, and approaches in pursuit of the perfect caboose. Their quest will never end, but it has created a twerk-jerk culture that is spreading across North America and the world.

Medieval Europe

Now we know why they called them the Dark Ages: because it was all about where the sun don’t shine! From Bosch to Benedictines, the Medievals were consummate craftsmen when it came to the art of the arse.

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Gonzo Report: Half Hour Late lives up to their name at the Template

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Bosch’s Garden of Earthly Delights is a veritable butt bonanza! Clockwise from upper left: butt bouquet (a rose in any other place would smell as sweet!), blue butts, early colonoscopy, bottom feeder.

Over 10,000 years ago, playa-gatherers admired the first badonkadonk. Since then, butts have spread across the globe and have come to be known by many names. Other than breasts, and perhaps legs, they are the most widely admired body parts in the world.

Sponsored
Sponsored

The pursuit of booty led us to build shelters, start wars, and write the first epic poems. (Helen of Troy had the backspace that haunched a thousand hips.) As our relationship with butts continued, they became part of our daily life, songs, and culture. The thickness reflects the foundation of civilization.

Some people think playing the butt trumpet is as simple as eating beans and onions, but as these illustrations make clear, it can involve some pretty complicated fingering technique.

Like the earliest rump rangers, today’s butt nuts are innovators who add new techniques, terminology, and approaches in pursuit of the perfect caboose. Their quest will never end, but it has created a twerk-jerk culture that is spreading across North America and the world.

Medieval Europe

Now we know why they called them the Dark Ages: because it was all about where the sun don’t shine! From Bosch to Benedictines, the Medievals were consummate craftsmen when it came to the art of the arse.

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4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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